Managing Anger—When there is No One to Share the Pain

Ambivalence—Fear of Loss, Abandonment, Skin Contact.
It is hard for many women to acknowledge ambivalence because they want to be in a relationship. Yearning for the pleasures of a relationship and being scared to death of the possible hurt and abandonment are results of childhood memories of the first relationship of our life—the one with our parents. These memories include being hurt, abandoned, being smothered, or simply being criticized all the time. So, when we start relying on our partner by getting close and dependent, our unconscious fear is the same thing will happen.

Inner Voices.
The last underlying factor is the pain created by our own inner voices—the little voice that doesn’t want us to trust anyone or to get close and sounds very much like the voice from one of our parents or our younger self. In essence, the voice is saying, “Don’t let your guard down—he or she will hurt you.” I’m sure you’ve all had this experience.