Co-dependency is the problem of relying on these deeply learned patterns long past the time of their usefulness. In adulthood, these patterns cause problems, rather than supporting successful relationship functioning. Adult maturation, moving from living for survival to thriving, is an evolutionary process. When viewed this way it creates the basis for forgiveness, acceptance, and hope.It is crucial for people in recovery to focus on parenting as a process rather than something to do "right," because of the tendency to pressure themselves to do everything perfectly. In childhood, denial is important to maintain in order to avoid being overwhelmed by hurt, anger and despair. "If only I was the perfect child, my parents would have ...," is an emotional defense. A way for helpless children to establish some feeling of control.

This quest for perfection often gets transferred as a rigid set of expectations to parent perfectly. A part of human experience is receiving some emotional injuries along the way. There are no perfect kids or perfect parents. This is important because in parenting we are all going to make some mistakes. It is important for parents to remember that their best efforts are "good enough."

Next Page