Letting Go of Divorce

Letting go, giving up, dropping, releasing, and accepting. These attitudes and behaviors are at times weaknesses and at other times strengths. As the prayer goes, "God give me the serenity to accept what I cannot change, the courage to change what I can, and the wisdom to know the difference." Full recovery from divorce inevitably requires a great deal of letting go -- of dreams and of burdens.

Letting go during divorce is much like grieving a physical death in that it includes several phases: shock/denial; mental bargaining with fate (and with spouses, lawyers, realtors, etc.); anger/rage; sadness; and resolution. These phases fluctuate both in their intensity and in their order. Divorce is in many ways tougher than physical death because the corpse has the audacity to stick around and engage in painful reminders like picking up the children or dating a neighbor.

It can be very helpful to understand the nature of the various phases of grief. Like a good map, understanding can make the territory less scary and confusing.