Letting Go of Divorce

The shock/denial that many experience initially feels for a while like you're going crazy, like reality is somehow out of focus. It is covered in more detail in Vol. I, # 1 in the archives at Divorcesurvivalguide.com. The anger/rage phase is covered in Vol. I, #2. Even if you have read those issues in the past, you may wish to review them.

You may also go through a periods of mental bargaining. This is a process of attempting to somehow undo what is happening, or to avoid accepting what may be inevitable. In divorce, it includes mental bargaining with God or fate as well as efforts to persuade your person to change his or her mind about divorcing. It will likely take a while, but once you are convinced that this undoing process isn't working, you may be able to conclude finally that divorce is a reality that isn't going away no matter what you say or do.

As painful as it may feel, you are taking a significant step forward when you accept and allow yourself to experience fully your sadness that it really is over. This is a time when you need your support people to "just be there" through your pain and to resist trying to make you feel better before you are ready to do so. Tell them that. If necessary, ask them to read this newsletter so that they too can understand that it's time to accept your new reality.