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CELEBRATING THE HOLIDAYS
AS A SINGLE PARENT
By Jody Seidler
During this holiday season, the important fact to focus on is that you, as parents, are creating memories for your children. Everything you do creates a memory (but don't let this realization stress you out any further). Let us not forget celebrating the holidays leaves a lot of room to be creative. Whether your children are with you or you're celebrating the holidays alone as a veteran single parent or a "holiday virgin", you have the power to make it a holiday filled with wonderful memories. And you don't need a lot of money.
Those Emotions:
With the onset of the holiday
season, our emotions get stirred by past memories and fears about
the future. Holidays tend to bring up a lot of resolved or
unresolved emotions. If you find yourself filled with resentment
(which is like taking poison and expecting the other person to die),
anger (which only zaps our energy), fear (false evidence appearing
real) or concern (still energy zapping, but a much more empathic
emotion), it's time to step outside of the negative feelings
and start feeling gratitude. You do remember gratitude;it
means counting your blessings. Sometimes it just means making a list
and breaking down all the wonderful things you have in your life
(not focusing on what you don't have). It means putting your
children on the top of our list, your family and friends, favorite
'things,'; health and good looks, whatever you have in
the bank. Gratitude means feelings blessed for who you are, what you
have experienced and what it is you have in our lives. And when you
experience gratitude, you model that to your children, and they
begin to see their glass as half full, too.
Bonding with our Children:
The holidays are a wonderful time for bonding with your children in a special way. Something wonderful and healing my son and I will do this holiday season is to look around his room, gather up all the toys he never plays with and probably won't play with, and box them up. Then we take the boxes to a hospital or center for needy children. This action feels good and also teaches children to share;and creates great memories for everyone concerned. On an adult level, you can do the same thing. Take a walk with your child to your closet and go through all those items you never wear. Pull out the clothes you'll never fit into again (time to face reality), the heels you were saving for that mystery man who hasn't arrived on his steed yet, that special Nicole Miller tie you bought after your marriage ended, the miniskirt that was on sale, or those golf clubs you thought you'd use during all your new free time. Pack up your clothes and get ready to give them to a deserving cause. A great organization for men and women in Los Angeles is: Clothes The Deal, whose mission is to assist low income individuals in obtaining employment by providing professional business clothing and related services. Clothes The Deal does not sell any of the clothing it receives. All items are given to programs that assist low-income clients. You can call their automated InfoLine at 310-791-7583 to hear more about hosting a clothing drive at your company, professional organization or with your friends. With or Without Child:
If you and your child are not spending the holidays with family, there are many dining options to choose from. You can create a holiday dinner with other single parents and their children. There has always been an appeal for extended family celebrations, and they are becoming more and more popular as we head into the next century. If there are no single parent families in your circle of friends or acquaintances, you and your child can dine out at a family restaurant. According to your mood, you can choose one that is fun and noisy or one that is calm and peaceful. If the holiday falls on the year you're without your children - you have many options as well. Dine out or in with a friend, take in a movie with a pal or go it alone, read a good book and hit a warm bath and bed. If you're more adventurous, visit a Club Med or fly to visit family...the ways to celebrate the holidays are as wide open as your mind.' The Gift List:
When it comes to the anxiety-producing 'gift list; I believe it's good for children to write their own list on a piece of paper, in order of importance. Those lists can actually be quite fun, and a great collector's item to save from year to year. You can ask your child to draw the toy or game they want. I compared my son's list from two years ago (when pet was third on the list) to last year when the wish for a pet was transformed into the wish for a brother. I wonder what this year's list will yield? The gift list gives your child a sense of empowerment (asking for what he/she wants), creativity (writing or drawing his/her wishes) and security (something empowering happens when you write down what you want). Everyone needs a wish list (even mom and dad). Just make sure your child knows he/she won't be getting everything on the list! It is just another reminder that we don't get everything we want in life and it certainly doesn't hurt children to get introduced to these truths at an early age. It could even save them, and you, therapy bills later on in life. Making Memories:
It's fun to take pictures or videos during the holidays to create lasting memories. You can make a wonderful scrapbook from holiday souvenirs, documenting these memories for family and friends. If you're on your own for this holiday, ask the other parent to take pictures and make duplicates so you can share in the holiday and have a memory for your child, too. If there is stress between the two parents, I suggest you make a pact that for holidays you will both share photographs with each other for the benefit and joy of your child. The Money Pit:
If money is tight, you can start collecting gifts early on in the year. You can purchase from stores, make gifts yourself and start going to local garage sales. Garage sales are great in southern California. A lot of people sell items that are still unopened. Plus there are a lot of designers that live here and sell their last year's samples at garage sales (best kept secret around town). Also, keep your eyes and ears open throughout the year when your child name drops his favorite book, toy brand or music choice (CDs and tapes make a great gift for older children).
Gratitude is the Theme:
Celebrating
the holidays after a life transition can be challenging and
exhausting. If this is your first holiday season after a divorce or
death of a spouse, be gentle with yourself. It's difficult,
but try to stay out of the past and what was. Build up your strength
to create a new present and build a firm foundation for you and your
child.
Reprinting by permission only
